


The Greed of Being a Woman

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, Out of Character, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 22:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Crystal is cold and hard, my Lord. Tell me, what man would be content with used goods?” the wizard had never heard Bellatrix talking to him so bitterly. He realized he had known the witch for twenty years, and that he didn’t know the woman at all.





	The Greed of Being a Woman

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've written this a very long time ago. And I don't know, perhaps I was high on something. I don't know who between them is the most OOC, but I suppose Voldemort. So... you've been warned!

_Muse of my heart, of palaces the lover,_

_Where will you, when the blast of winter blows_

_In the black boredom of snowed lights, discover_

_A glowing brand to warm your violet toes?_

 

Naked, looking at herself in the mirror, Bellatrix saw a woman. That woman that everyone had ceased to see when the Mark had been burnt on her skin. It was night, the window of her room was open. A cold winter breeze blew, hit her violently, but she seemed immune to it. It seemed, instead, that the wind pleased her. That it made her stronger, free from pain as she had been during all those years.

Right then, the door to her room opened; she covered herself with the sheets, quickly, when Voldemort came inside.

“Since when do you feel shame, Bella?” he asked, tired. She tried to look proud.

“And shouldn’t I, my Lord? Am I not myself a woman?” the wizard grinned.

“Wounded dignity, my friend?” he asked. She lowered her eyes.

“With a tad of loneliness.” he got closer, putting an arm around her shoulders, as if protecting her, but with that half smile still on his face.

“You’re never alone.” he hissed in her ear, pointing at the Mark on her arm.

She withdrew.

“Then none of us is ever alone. And what am I more than them? I’m just another slave, whose lack wouldn’t bother at all.” she said. Voldemort got even closer.

“And what do you want, Bella?” he asked.

“I want to be loved.” she said, fearless. “Or, at least, satisfied.”

 

_How will you there revive your marbled skin_

_At the chill rays your shutters then disperse?_

_The gold of azure heavens will you win_

_When empty are your palate and your purse?_

His movements were slow, as if he was afraid of scaring her and making her run away; with a finger, he started brushing her throat, going down on her collarbone and shoulders.

“Tell me, how long has it been since someone has lost himself on this crystal skin?” he asked.

“Crystal is cold and hard, my Lord. Tell me, what man would be content with used goods?” the wizard had never heard Bellatrix talking to him so bitterly. He realized he had known the witch for twenty years, and that he didn’t know the woman at all.

“You’re beautiful. Most are content with that.” he tried, but she shook her head and smiled as if out of pity. He wanted to be angry at her, instead he felt like any other man. He got irritated. “What’s wrong with you today, Bellatrix?” he asked, and she smiled again.

“The most powerful wizard in the whole world. You could have all you desire. And yet you let yourself be restrained by the fact that you can’t understand the first thing about women. Or about humans, overall.” she accused him, vehemently. He took out his wand, quickly, and aimed it at her.

“Since you’re so good, why don’t you explain to me what is like being a woman, Bella?” he provoked her.

 

_You’ll need each evening, then, to earn your bread,_

_As choirboys swinging censers that are dead_

_Who sing Te Deums which they disbelieve_

“To please you, I’ve done more than a thing I’m not proud of. I’ve gone mad in Azkaban. Just because I believed your cause was going to change the Magical World. And what did I obtain? Being on the same level of all those who stand beside you just out of fear?” she said, calm. “I’ve forced my nature for you, my Lord. I’m what you made me. I think I deserve something more.”

“What, then? You have it all. You’ve helped me, that’s true. You’re my right arm, you’re the only woman, the only _human_ I trust. Is there something more, Bella? Or are you looking for a way to get out?” he insinuated. She turned, surprised.

“I will never leave you, my Lord. I’ll stand beside you for this is the path I chose. I’d just like for you to... allow me to be with you, before than as a right arm, as a _woman_.” it was useless; he didn’t understand, or he didn’t want to. And he was never going to. But Bellatrix had reached her limit. She still believed in everything she was ordered, but in her body and her mind there was no room anymore to just _be_.

Bellatrix Black had died, she had let her essence being devoured from the one in front of her, whom she had always seen only like a man.

He sighed.

“That is a road that has closed for me a long time ago.” he said. She embittered.

“Then tell me how is it possible that the man who has carried out the most heinous crimes, who amuses himself playing with human lives, deprives himself of the only sin which has in itself something good.” she got a few inches away from his face. “It’s something you don’t understand, isn’t it?” he took her by her neck, violently.

“Do you really believe you’re not a temptation, Bellatrix?” he hissed. “But there are temptations I forbid myself to give in to, or I wouldn’t be where I am today.” she got rid of his hold, and let the sheets fall down.

“Resisting is for cowards.” she accused him. He forced himself to look at her face.

“Is it leaving for cowards too, Bella?” he stared at her, almost sad. “Farewell, my child. Is about time each one of us goes back to his place.” he got closer, took her face in his hands and kissed her. Deep, but almost tender, had he been able to.

He hesitated for a few more seconds, but then he left the room.

 

_Or, fasting pierrette, trade your loveliness_

_And laughter, soaked in tears that none can guess,_

_The boredom of the vulgar to relieve_

Bellatrix stayed impassive. She would’ve kept on with her game, with her play dedicated to the whole world. That woman, strong, cruel, sadistic. She promised to herself that nobody would’ve ever seen her pain, the nature of her rage.

She looked outside the window, and greeted the crescent moon. They had something in common; they both suffered for the lack of something to make them whole.

She envied so much that celestial body, so strange, so mysterious, that in a few weeks would’ve had back the part of it that had been torn away from it.

She closed the window.

She didn’t need the wind anymore.


End file.
